You Can Count on Me

2000 American film

Quotes

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Sammy: What is happening here?
Terry: It's just the problem is the pipes are corroded the whole length of the hall, so every time I put a new piece in it starts leaking further down.
Sammy: Why don't I just call the plumber?
Terry: Why? He's not gonna do anything different than what I'm doing.
Rudy: Yeah, we're only making it worse.
Terry: No we're not, shut up!
(Terry pulls a pipe out of the floor and accidentally sprays Sammy with water)
Sammy: Thanks. Thank you.
Sammy: (whispering) Terry, I fucked my boss.
Terry: What?
Sammy: And his wife is six months pregnant...
Terry: Jesus Christ, Sammy!
Sammy: (shamefully) I know... I know...
Rudy: Who are you talking about?
Terry: Some wild kids we used to know.
Rudy: Were you a wild kid?
Terry: Not as wild as your mom.
Rudy: Yeah, right...
Terry: Oh, you don't believe me?
Rudy: No.
Terry: Ask her.
Rudy: Mom, were you?
Sammy: (long pause) No comment.
Sammy: I don't know what the church's official position is on fornication and adultery these days, and I felt really hypocritical not saying anything to you about it before, but... what *is* the official position these days?
Ron: Well... it's a sin.
Sammy: Good, I think it should be!
Ron: But we try not to focus on that aspect right off the bat.
Sammy: Why not? I think you should.
Ron: Well...
Sammy: Maybe it was better when they screamed at you from the box for having sex with your married boss, they told you what a terrible thing it was, they were really mean to you. Maybe it would be better if you just told me that I'm endangering my immortal soul and that if I don't stop, I'm gonna burn in hell. Don't you ever think that?
Ron: No, not really.
Sammy: I'm going to bed. You need anything?
Terry: (playing Rudy's handheld game, not looking up) No, I'm good.
Sammy: Okay. Terry... I'm really glad your home.
Terry: (stops playing game, looks up and smiles) Yeah, me too, Sammy.
Brian: I think it's an area we ought to explore.
Sammy: You explore it! I'm going back to work.
Terry: Put on your seat belt.
Rudy: It pushes on my neck.
Terry: What?
Rudy: It pushes on my neck, it's uncomfortable.
Terry: Well, when someone slams into us and you go sailing through the windshield, that's liable to be uncomfortable, too. Now, put on a seat belt.
Rudy: Why are you smoking?
Terry: Um, because it's bad, don't ever do it.
Sammy: (to Brian) You know, and if I were you, I'd be a little nervous about firing an employee I'd just had an affair with, okay?
Terry: So how are ya?
Sammy: I'm fine, Terry.
Terry: So um... um, how's Rudy?
Sammy: We're fine, Terry.
(beat)
Sammy: How are you?
Terry: Uhhh, yeaahhh...
Terry: (as they get in the car) Where are we going?
Sammy: To pick up Rudy.
Terry: What, do you not even want me to come visit now?
Sammy: Of course I want you to visit, you idiot! I've been looking forward to seeing you from the moment I got your letter, I told everyone in town that you were coming home, I cleaned the whole *fucking* house just so it would look nice for you! I had no idea you were just broke again! I wish you'd just send me an invoice!
Terry: Where were you?
Sammy: Nowhere. I had dinner with my boss.
Terry: Kind of a late dinner, ain't it?
Sammy: Yeah. How was Rudy?
Terry: Fine. He's asleep.
Sammy: Did the plumber come?
Terry: Yeah, the fucking plumber came!
Sammy: Terry, just give me a break!
Terry: What's the matter with you?
Sammy: Nothing, I'm just tired.
Terry: Wanna smoke some pot?
Sammy: No I don't... why, you got some?
Sammy: I could use a beer.
Brian: I could use a tranquilizer.
Rudy: (as Terry is packing up) Where are you going?
Terry: I don't know. I just want to get out of this town. And if you've got any sense when you get old enough you'll get out of here too. Your Mom's gonna live in this town for the rest of her life, and you know why? Because she thinks she has to. Don't ask me why, but that's the truth. She thinks there's all these things she has to do, but you want to know one thing about your Mom? She's a bigger fuck-up than I ever was. I mean, I know I messed up. You think I enjoy getting thrown in jail because I wanted you to face that prick your Dad like a little man and see what kind of a guy he is? I know I got a little carried away, and I lost my temper just a little bit - which is not the end of the world either, by the way, just for future reference - And now she's kickin' me out of my own house because - you know, because I fucked up a little bit. Which I totally admit. I was like - totally ready to admit that.
Sammy: (picks up phone) Hello?
Brian: Yeah, it's Brian.
Sammy: Brian!
Brian: What the hell happened to you today, lady?
Sammy: (rolls eyes and hangs up)
Sammy: (phone rings again) Hello...
Brian: You're fired!
Sammy: Good!
(slams phone down)
Terry: You mind if I ask you a personal question?
Rudy: I don't know.
Terry: Do you like it here, I mean in Scottsville?
Rudy: Yeah.
Terry: Why?
Rudy: I don't know, my friends are here, I like the scenery... I don't know.
Terry: I know, I know, it's just so... there's nothing to do here.
Rudy: Yes, there is.
Terry: No, there isn't, man. It's narrow. It's dull. It's a dull, narrow town full of dull, narrow people who don't know anything except what things are like right around here. They have no perspective whatsoever, no scope. They might as well be living in the 19th century 'cause they have no idea what's going on, and if you try and tell 'em that they wanna fucking kill you.
Rudy: What are you talking about?
Terry: I have no idea... you're a good kid.
Terry: Yeah, this is the haute cuisine of garments.
Terry: (as they get in the car) Where are we going?
Sammy: To pick up Rudy.
Terry: What, do you not even want me to come visit now?
Sammy: Of course I want you to visit, you idiot! I've been looking forward to seeing you from the moment I got your letter, I told everyone in town that you were coming home, I cleaned the whole *fucking* house just so it would look nice for you! I had no idea you were just broke again! I wish you'd just send me an invoice!
Rudy: Who are you talking about?
Terry: Some wild kids we used to know.
Rudy: Were you a wild kid?
Terry: Not as wild as your mom.
Rudy: Yeah, right...
Terry: Oh, you don't believe me?
Rudy: No.
Terry: Ask her.
Rudy: Mom, were you?
Sammy: (long pause) No comment.
Terry: Put on your seat belt.
Rudy: It pushes on my neck.
Terry: What?
Rudy: It pushes on my neck, it's uncomfortable.
Terry: Well, when someone slams into us and you go sailing through the windshield, that's liable to be uncomfortable, too. Now, put on a seat belt.
Sammy: (whispering) Terry, I fucked my boss.
Terry: What?
Sammy: And his wife is six months pregnant...
Terry: Jesus Christ, Sammy!
Sammy: (shamefully) I know... I know...
Rudy: Why are you smoking?
Terry: Um, because it's bad, don't ever do it.
Sammy: So, how was school today?
Rudy: Stupid.
Sammy: I could use a beer.
Brian: I could use a tranquilizer.

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You Can Count on Me

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