Two Weeks

Two Weeks

2006 American film
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Quotes

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  • Barry Bergman: How's it coming?
    Emily Bergman: Well, I got pretty good when I skipped school but it's been a while.
    Barry Bergman: Forgery's like riding a bicycle, you never forget how... I've heard.
    Matthew Bergman: What do I get to do?
    Keith Bergman: You're driving the get-away car.
  • Keith Bergman: That's what love is all about... blood, IVs, and puking.
  • Keith Bergman: Left your cell phone.
    Barry Bergman: Yep
    Keith Bergman: Don't you think we should bring it?
    Barry Bergman: Nope, you want to find out your mother died in the cereal aisle of Sir Buy-a-Lot?
    Keith Bergman: Nope.
  • Keith Bergman: That's what love is all about... blood, IVs, and puking.
  • Barry Bergman: How's it coming?
    Emily Bergman: Well, I got pretty good when I skipped school but it's been a while.
    Barry Bergman: Forgery's like riding a bicycle, you never forget how... I've heard.
    Matthew Bergman: What do I get to do?
    Keith Bergman: You're driving the get-away car.
  • Barry Bergman: (on the phone) Look, the honest to God truth, I'm down here because my mother is dying. I want you to do this for her... Yeah, it's like her last wish, something she never had... Yeah, she really wants high-speed Internet access... No good she'll be dead by then. Is there some rush fee I can pay?
  • Keith Bergman: Hi, I'm meeting my mother and I didn't see her come off the plane.
    Customer Service Rep: Sir, this is the luggage office.
    Keith Bergman: Right, she's about this big
    (holds hands about a foot apart)
    Keith Bergman: coming on the 245 from Charlotte and she's probably addressed to me, that's Keith Bergman.
  • Keith Bergman: You forgot to tell them how to wipe their asses. Is it front to back or back to front?
  • Anita Bergman: ...and then I started to cry and my nose was running because you were the ugliest baby I'd ever seen... so ugly.
    Keith Bergman: Yeah, but I... I got better looking right?
    Anita Bergman: ...
  • Keith Bergman: Well, the confessing thing worked out for you, but next time just rat out Barry, he's already got a record.
    Barry Bergman: Blow me.
  • Keith Bergman: Left your cell phone.
    Barry Bergman: Yep
    Keith Bergman: Don't you think we should bring it?
    Barry Bergman: Nope, you want to find out your mother died in the cereal aisle of Sir Buy-a-Lot?
    Keith Bergman: Nope.
  • Anita Bergman: Well, when I asked him how I was going to die, he said my intestines were going to clog up and I would puke myself to death. Which turns out to be true, but I figure for $275 a visit I deserved a little bit better bedside manner than that.
  • Keith Bergman: My mom brought me up that there was a solution to every problem. So tell me...
    (leans into intercom mic)
    Keith Bergman: who do I have to fuck, to get the Sir Buy a Lot discount on my orange juice?
    (in the parking lot)
    Barry Bergman: I've never been thrown out of a grocery store.
  • Keith Bergman: Hi, I'm meeting my mother and I didn't see her come off the plane.
    Customer Service Rep: Sir, this is the luggage office.
    Keith Bergman: Right, she's about this big
    (holds hands about a foot apart)
    Keith Bergman: coming on the 245 from Charlotte and she's probably addressed to me, that's Keith Bergman.
  • Keith Bergman: If you hear gunfire, make sure the engine's running, doors are unlocked.
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