The Mask
1994 comedy film by Chuck Russell
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- Mask: Hold on, Sugar! Daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight!
- Mr. Dickey: IPKISS! You're 40 minutes late. Now that's the same as stealing!
-
(after being shot)
Mask: Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark.
(cough, cough)
Mask: Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out.
(cough cough)
Mask: Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas
(cough, cough)
Mask: Tell Scarlett I do give a damn.
(coughs in Orlando's face, raspberries, then farts)
Mask: Pardon me.
(he dies, the Peanut Gallery appears and applauds while The Mask is handed an acting award)
Mask: Thank you, you love me, you really love me! - The Mask: (standing in front of a mirror, in the process of going out to a club) It's party time. P, A, R, T. Why? Because I gotta!
- Stanley Ipkiss: (to get his dog to steal the keys from the sleeping guard) No Milo, not the *cheese*... The *keys*!
-
Charlie Schumacher: (referring to Tina) A girl like that is always looking for the BBD: Bigger Better Deal.
Stanley Ipkiss: You don't know that, Charlie. She's an artist. She's... she's sensitive.
Charlie Schumacher: Stanley, listen to me. That girl will tear your heart out, put it in a blender and hit "frappe." - The Mask: Our love is like a red, red rose... and I am a little thorny.
-
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Ipkiss! Police! Freeze!
(the Mask freezes in mid-air)
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Put your hands up.
The Mask: (his teeth are frozen together) But you told me to freeze!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: All right, all right. Un-freeze.
(the Mask un-freezes and falls to the ground)
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: You’re under arrest.
(pulls out his cuffs)
The Mask: No! It wasn't me! It was the One-Armed Man!
(regular voice)
The Mask: All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad! GLAD, I TELL YA!
(gets down on his knees and puts his hands up together)
The Mask: What are they gonna do to me, Sarg.? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: (puts the cuffs on The Mask's wrists) Sorry, son. That's not my department. Search him.
The Mask: (the cops bring The Mask to his feet) Ow! Where's a cam-corder when you need one?
(snorts in laughter) - Charlie Schumacher: (after Stanley snaps at Dickey) Genius. That was genius. Buddy, I have chills! What side of whose bed did you wake up on, man?
- Peggy Brandt: Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.
-
(Pulls out a condom in front of a bunch of thugs)
The Mask: Sorry, wrong pocket. - Eddy: The money better be here, Ipkiss. Or you're gonna "Ipkiss" your ass goodbye.
-
(in a thick French accent)
The Mask: Hello, Cherie. We meet again. Is it fate? Is it meant to be? Is it written in the stars that we are destined to fraternize?
(Normal voice)
The Mask: I'd like to think so. Ha, ha ha! - Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: There can't be two idiots with pajamas like these.
-
Alley Punk #1: Hey, mister! You got the time?
The Mask: As a matter of fact I do, Cubby.
(pulls out a wind up alarm clock)
The Mask: LOOK AT THAT! It's exactly two seconds before I honk your nose and pull your underwear over your head! -
(repeated line)
The Mask: SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSMOKIN'! - The Mask: Ooh, somebody stop me!
-
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Somebody STOLE your pajamas?
Stanley Ipkiss: (seeing Milo jump at the closet door where the stolen money is) Milo, no! I mean, uh, what is this world coming to when a man's... *pajama drawer* is no longer safe? -
Doyle: (going through Mask's pocket) Picture of Kellaway's wife.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: What?
Mask: Uh-oh.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Margaret! You son-of-a-bitch!
Mask: Geez I thought you would have a sense of humor. After all - you married her! -
Doyle: (searching Mask) Really big sunglasses, Nerf ball...
Cop: Bike horn...
Doyle: Small-mouthed bass...
Cop: Bowling pin...
Doyle: Aah! Mousetrap...
Cop: Rubber chicken...
The Mask: Little to the left. That's it.
Doyle: I don't know.
Cop: Funny eyeball glasses...
The Mask: I've never seen those before in my life.
Cop: Bazooka...
The Mask: I have a permit for that. -
Stanley Ipkiss: (looking wistfully at the newspaper clipping of Tina) Stupid. She would never...
(He turns and sees the mask lying on the sofa. Slowly, he walks over to it and holds it... )
Stanley Ipkiss: (throwing it over the sofa) No way.
(Walks away, stops, then jumps back over the sofa and puts it on) - Dr. Arthur Neuman: We all wear masks... metaphorically speaking.
-
(last lines)
Stanley Ipkiss: (on a bridge with Tina, holding the mask in his hand) You sure you're not gonna miss this guy? Once he's gone, all that's left is me.
(Without a word, Tina takes it from him and throws it into the water, then grabs and kisses him. Meanwhile, Charlie, watching them, gets out of the car and rushes over to the edge of the bridge to look for the mask. It's floating in the water, so he climbs over the railing and jumps in... )
Charlie Schumacher: (seeing Milo swimming off with the mask) MILO!
(Meanwhile... )
Stanley Ipkiss: (a wide grin on his face) SSSMOKIN'!
(He grabs Tina and kisses her... ) -
Maggie: Stanley, you are the nicest guy. Really, you are.
Stanley Ipkiss: Yeah?
Maggie: Charlie, isn't Stanley the nicest guy?
Charlie Schumacher: The best.
(Maggie walks off)
Charlie Schumacher: That was THE most sickening display I've ever seen.
Stanley Ipkiss: I disagree. I think I'm wearing her down.