The Hangover Part II
2011 film by Todd Phillips
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Tracy: Phill.
Phil: Tracy. I'm sorry.
Tracy: Where the hell are you?
Phil: /huh/ It happened again.
Tracy: Don't say that. Please.
Phil: No, this time we're really fucked up.
Tracy: Seriously, what's wrong with you three?
Phil: So much Trace, I don't even know where to begin."
Tracy: Oh God. How bad? Like no wedding bad?
Phil: Yeah. -
Stu Price: Oh my God! We kidnapped a monk!
Alan: We live an alternative lifestyle. -
Tattoo Joe: (indicates customer) This kid's fucking nine years old, and he's got balls twice your size. Show him your balls, Mal.
(kid reaches downwards)
Phil: No, no, no, w- that's okay. - Phil: I refuse to eat fuckin' cantaloupe at a bachelor party.
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Phil: Your password is baloney1?
Mr. Chow: Well, used to be just baloney, but now they make you add number. -
Phil: It happened again, we lost Teddy.
Tracy: How bad is it, like, no wedding bad?
Phil: A bit worse than that. -
Mr. Chow: It is about money.
When Mr. Chow gets arrested: It is not about money, it is about principle. -
Doug: Wait so where exactly are you guys?
Phil: I don't know, Doug! Fucken Asiatown! -
Alan: (to Teddy) Sit down i got this. Sit down boy. That was a great speech sir. I like the comparisons between uh Stu and Rice. I've also prepared a few words. Hew everybody here are some fun facts. The population in Thailand is 63 million people. It is twice the size of Wyoming. It's chief exports are textiles, footwear, and rice. Each year approximately 13,000 people are killed in car accidents in Thailand. The climate in Thailand is...
Doug: Alan why don't you skip to the last card there buddy
Alan: Ok, sorry.
(Flips through about 5 or 6 cards)
Alan: None of you know Stu like I do. Not you, not you, not you, not you, not nobody knows Stu like i do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact more important than blood. What i can tell you is this, this is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple years ago...
Phil: All right time's up. You can sit down now bud. You can sit down.
Alan: It was good. I did good though.
Phil: Oh God you killed it.
Alan: OK thanks Phil.
Alan: Sit down, yeah
(applause)
Alan: (to Teddy) In your face. - Alan: I'm actually a part of this weird wolfpack. Hey, it's not weird it's pretty cool actually, no membership fees.
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Stu Price: We're looking for a little kid.
Samir: Two thousand dollars
Stu Price: Huh?
Samir: Maybe more, I don't know. How young you want this kid to be? -
Stu Price: YOU'RE THE BEARDED DEVIL!
Alan: You liked it! You smiled at me when I held up the bag of marshmallows!
Stu Price: BECAUSE I LIKE MARSHMALLOWS, YOU FUCKING PSYCHO! -
Teddy: Hey... Can I sit here?
Alan: uh-uh... Wolfpack only -
Alan: My uncle Roger says he saw an albino polar bear once.
Stu Price: Really? Polar bears are white, how did he know it was albino?
Alan: This one was black.
Stu Price: Uh, are you sure it wasn't a black bear?
Alan: (after thinking) Whatevs. -
Alan: You totally butchered that song.
Stu Price: You totally butchered my life. -
Mr. Chow: (upon his arrest) How the fuck?
(Samir walks in)
Mr. Chow: Samir! You fuck me over 6 grand, you camel jockey?
(spits)
Samir: You spit to me? Huh? You spit to me? Hey! 6 grand this time, 8 grand last time. It's not the money, man. It's the principle!
Mr. Chow: Principle? Nigga, please! We both dead inside.
Samir: You call me nigger? Huh? Don't call me nigger!
Mr. Chow: (as the cops take him away) Toodle-loo, motherfuckers!
Samir: Racist asshole, man. - Stu Price: (from trailer) All I wanted was a bachelor brunch.
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Phil: It happened again, we lost Teddy.
Tracy: How bad is it, like, no wedding bad?
Phil: A bit worse than that. -
Phil: Do you ever do anything that doesn't end up in a stand-off, Chow?
Mr. Chow: I'm an international criminal! It always ends up like this. - Phil: I refuse to eat cantaloupe at a bachelor party.
- Alan: I am a nurse, just not registered.
- Mr. Chow: Have you ever seen monkey in jail?
- Stu Price: (from trailer) You're the bearded devil!
- Mr. Chow: Oh, you are having a bad day. Did you die?