The Bill

British police procedural television series

Quotes

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(to PC Klein)
Cass Rickman: You look like Dracula with the flu.
DC Jacob Banks: Give it some welly!
DC Jo Masters: I am giving it welly!
DC Mickey Webb: Well try and give it some proper northern welly!
DC Jo Masters: I'll give you some northern welly in a minute!
DS Max Carter: What's going on there?
DC Mickey Webb: Jo's just having a slight problem with the filing cabinet.
DS Max Carter: Try giving it some welly!
DC Jo Masters: I AM!
DS Phil Hunter: Why are attics always full of rubbish?
DS Samantha Nixon: Mine's quite tidy actually.
DS Phil Hunter: Well, you're a freak.
DS Samantha Nixon: That's very kind of you
DCC Gordon Cooper: So, who should we expect a visit from?
Supt. Tom Chandler: DC Mickey Webb, small bloke, yaps like a dog.
PC Gabriel Kent: You think I'm afraid of you Kerry? I'm not. You're like a fly buzzing around me, waiting to be swatted away.
PC Kerry Young: Yeah, well we all know what flies are attracted to.
Chief Supt. Charles Brownlow: Did the prisoner hurt himself?
Sgt. Matt Boyden: Unfortunately not sir.
DCI Jack Meadows: Are you sure I shouldn't have picked you up somewhere else?
PC Sally Armstrong: No its alright, if anyone askes I'll just say you're my Dad...
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You've made my mind up for me. I want you to act as Family Liason Officer to the Weavers.
DS Phil Hunter: You what?
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You heard.
DS Phil Hunter: Guv, I'm hardly tea and sympathy material am I?
DC Rob Thatcher: He's not wrong there Guv.
DS Phil Hunter: See? Can't you get Eva to do it?
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: ook. I know you've got all the listening skills and empathy of a breeze block Phil, but that's not what's needed here. Weaver's up to his neck in all sorts and some of his associates will've lost alot of money when Joel Brewer decided not to throw that fight, so, if we wanna find that little girl, we need to know who Weaver's wound up. And how nasty they are. And as you're our expert in all things nasty... low... devious...
DS Phil Hunter: Yeah thanks very much.
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You're welcome... Shift your arse.
DC Rob Thatcher: (laughs)
DC Rob Thatcher: Wipe that smile off your face Constable!
DS Geoff Daly: (talking about a married suspect who's got his 24-year-old girlfriend pregnant and doesn't know what to do) Can't help feeling sorry for Ted
DC Rod Skase: What? C'mon! He's trading in his clapped out old Escort for a brand new GTi. Unfortunately it's got a baby seat built in as well!
DS Geoff Daly: You're a right bleeding heart Rod!
PC Tony Stamp: The DS is not much of a one for team work is he?
PC Roger Valentine: I reckon if he thought he could get away with it, he'd put on a wig and a frock himself and of taken Beth's place.
PC Tony Stamp: Nah he hasn't got the legs for it.
DCI Jack Meadows: The DI's come very far very fast. He's a man with friends in high places. His father-in-law is DAC Pearson.
DC Eva Sharpe: So the DI's beyond criticism is he Guv?
DCI Jack Meadows: ell he thinks he's untouchable. But you concentrate on your own career, not the DI's, otherwise you'll find yourself on a downward path.
DC Eva Sharpe: Guv... Will you be, putting it in my papers?
DCI Jack Meadows: This is between me and you. But don't let me find you digging for dirt on a senior or any other member of my team again.
DC Eva Sharpe: Understood.
DCI Jack Meadows: Now, one other question. Did you find anything?
PC Sheelagh Murphy: I've got a husband, I know what it's like when a bloke's got the flu: somewhere between Ebola and Bubonic plague.
DC Jo Masters: Not like you to give up so easily...
DS Phil Hunter: What d'you mean?
DC Jo Masters: You get your teeth into a section eighteen search you don't normally let go?
DS Phil Hunter: You've got a suspicious mind DC Masters.
DC Jo Masters: Yeah, goes with the job!
DCI Jack Meadows: Glad you could join us. How's your day going?
Sgt Phil Hunter: Yeah, it just got better Guv. What do you need me for?
DCI Jack Meadows: Right. You see this? When it rings, you pick it up, and you go "Hello?" like that, and then you right down the details. Think you can manage that?
DC Jo Masters: Is this the same Henderson family that I read about?
DS Samantha Nixon: Sun Hill's famous lottery winners?
DS Phil Hunter: Yeah, turns out they really do have money to burn...
CSE Eddie Olosunje: DC Jo Masters... You're wondering how I did that aren't ya?
DC Jo Masters: Not really, no.
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Its your perfume. 'Sensual for Women' innit? Suits you... Kinda like me...
DC Jo Masters: I hear you have a match on a partial print for me Eddie?
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah it was easy, you know what the stoners are like, sloppy. Always takin' their gloves off. I think its the loss of motor function.
DC Jo Masters: Let me guess... Tray Simpson, forty-thee Rudkin Road?
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah.
DC Jo Masters: Ahh... Wondering how I did that, aren't ya?
PC Nick Klein: Where you going?
DC Eva Sharpe: I'm gonna go and see Aaron's social worker again, I think there's something we might've missed here...
PC Nick Klein: What about Hunter?
DC Eva Sharpe: I'm following my instincts on this one!
PC Nick Klein: He could go ballistic...
DC Eva Sharpe: I don't care if he spontaneously combusts!
Sgt Craig Gilmore: They've appointed a new Inspector to take over. Some woman named Gold.
Sgt. Matt Boyden: Heaven help us all.
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Err, today would be nice.
DS Phil Hunter: I dunno about you, but I'm pretty sure I wont miss being bossed around by Miss Desperate To Be An Inspector Nixon.
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: I heard that!
DS Phil Hunter: Yes, of course ya did. With those supernatural senses she would've been dunked a few years back... Witch!
Sgt. Matt Boyden: Let's keep the off air chit-chat off air shall we.
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: Problems Phillip?
DS Phil Hunter: You don't wanna know.
Acting DI Samantha Nixon: You're damn right I don't wanna know!
CSE Eddie Olosunje: The body is that of a five foot ten, caucasian male, aged twenty-two years.
DC Jacob Banks: How can you tell that without a post-mortem?
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Erm... He was a studious young man with a thirst for knowledge... Wait a minute, I'm getting more... His name was William, William Lucas...
DC Jacob Banks: You found his wallet...?
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah, it was tucked under the brick work. His library card was dated 1978.
DC Jacob Banks: So he's been in there for thirty years?
CSE Eddie Olosunje: Yeah. His overdue fees must be enormous...
DC Jo Masters: What's this? DC Dasari by day, Spider Woman by night?
DI Burnside: Annoyed? First Class passengers on the Titanic were annoyed. What I'm feeling now goes beyond that.

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The Bill

Quotes