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  • Jimmy: (Assjuice puts the glasses on) He looks like J.J. Abrams. He look good. He looks okay.
  • Teddy Sanders: We're throwing a Robert De Niro party. Pete: You call the cops, you violate the circle of trust, Focker. Mac Radner: Who are you? Garf: I'm Sam Jackson from Jackie Brown. Scoonie: (pause) Hoah! Garf: Hooah! Kelly Radner: That's actually Al Pacino. Garf: The Path of the righteous man. Mac Radner: That's the wrong Sam Jackson speech.
  • Paula: Let's make a baby! Jimmy: Yes, that will solve all our problems.
  • Teddy Sanders: You make the store more approachable. Mac Radner: Like, I'm more of an attainable goal? Teddy Sanders: Yeah, you're like Relaxed Fit.
  • Pete: He puts his dick in your mouth while you were asleep! Assjuice: I wasn't asleep.
  • Pete: Do you think maybe we've gone too far? I'm a child of divorce and I sympathize with them. Teddy Sanders: My parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious.
  • Assjuice: Do you know how many bj's they promised me? Assjuice: Infinite bj's. They promised me infinite bj's
  • Officer Watkins: You called about your neighbors? Mac Radner: No. Officer Watkins: We have caller ID, we're cops, everybody has caller ID.
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