Lethal Weapon

1987 US action film directed by Richard Donner

Quotes

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(aiming his gun at Mcalister's oncoming car)
Roger Murtaugh: No way you live. No way.
Roger Murtaugh: (about Rianne's date) The one with the pits in his face?
Rianne Murtaugh: Those are dimples!
Roger Murtaugh: Those are pits. When he smiles, I can see through his head.
Sergeant McCaskey: You know, Roger, you are way behind the times. The guys of the 80s aren't tough. They are sensitive people. Show a little emotion to a woman and shit like that. I think I'm an '80s man...
Roger Murtaugh: How do you figure?
Sergeant McCaskey: Last night I cried in bed. So how is that?
Roger Murtaugh: Were you with a woman?
Sergeant McCaskey: I was alone. Why do you think I cried?
Roger Murtaugh: Sounds like an '80s man to me...
Drug Dealer #3: (Riggs is in a Christmas tree lot, and pretends to sample some coke for a buy) Good, huh? Tasty? Smooth?
Martin Riggs: Yeah, that's good...
Drug Dealer #1: (walking up with a beer) Here ya go, pal...
Martin Riggs: Thanks. Okay, so let's do it. How much?
Drug Dealer #3: How much for how much?
Martin Riggs: For all of it.
Drug Dealer #3: You want it all. He wants it all.
Drug Dealer #1: He wants it all, beautiful. Congratulations!
Drug Dealer #3: All right!
Martin Riggs: Maybe a nice six footer to put it under, huh?
Drug Dealer #2: You want a tree? I'll tell you what. I'll give you the best tree I got on the lot, for nothin'. But the shit's gonna cost ya... a hundred.
Martin Riggs: What, that much?
Drug Dealer #3: Hey, you said you liked it, that's a fair price.
Martin Riggs: Yeah... yeah! Hell, you only live once... get this together here...
(takes out his wallet, starts counting out a hundred dollars)
Martin Riggs: Twenty, forty, sixty, seventy...
Drug Dealer #1: Hey, what the fuck...
Drug Dealer #2: Hey, man... Hey!
Martin Riggs: C'mon, shut up man, I'm losin' count... Ninety-three, ninety-four, ninety...
Drug Dealer #2: Forget it, you dumbshit. One hundred THOUSAND. One hundred THOUSAND, DOLLARS!
Martin Riggs: A hundred thousand?
(laughs)
Martin Riggs: I'm sorry, I can't afford that, not on my salary. But I'll tell ya what, I got a better idea, here. Let me say I take the whole stash of your hands for free, and you assholes can go to jail.
(takes out his badge and puts it on the table in front of them)
Martin Riggs: What do you say about that? Now I could read you guys your rights, but ah, you guys already know what your rights are, don't you?
Drug Dealer #2: (drug dealers stare, then start to laugh) This badge ain't real. YOU ain't real.
Drug Dealer #1: No, but you sure are a crazy son of a bitch!
Martin Riggs: (They all laugh) You think I'm crazy? You call me crazy, you think I'm crazy? You wanna see crazy?
(Riggs starts slapping him self on the head, Stooges style, then pokes their eyes and slaps them, and pulls out his gun)
Martin Riggs: . Now that's a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun!
Drug Dealer #2: (menacing) Okay, pal...
Martin Riggs: Hey, noses in the dirt, asshole...
(And the guns start blazin')
Martin Riggs: (Riggs and Murtaugh go to a bust at a "rich house") Think I saw this house on Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless...
Roger Murtaugh: Pretty thin, huh?
Martin Riggs: Anorexic.
Roger Murtaugh: General McAlister. Time for you to die.
Roger Murtaugh: Have you ever met anybody you didn't kill?
Martin Riggs: Well, I haven't killed you yet.
Culprit: (punches Murtaugh in the mouth) The shipment, Mr. Murtaugh.
Roger Murtaugh: (blood and sweat dripping) Go spit.
Beat Cop: Had a jumper here last night, Dixie was walking by, saw the whole thing.
Roger Murtaugh: You got a statement from her, send her home.
Dixie: Oh, thanks, I'm beat. You know how it is...
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, yeah, sure. All dressed up and no one to blow.
Dixie: You're hilarious. God, I don't believe this...
Roger Murtaugh: What do you do, sleep with that thing under your pillow?
Martin Riggs: I would if I slept.
(Riggs is having doubts)
Roger Murtaugh: Why is there a problem?
Martin Riggs: There's no problem.
Roger Murtaugh: We got one dead girl and one dead guy. The dead guy kills the dead girl, we kill the dead guy 'cause he wanted us to be dead guys - it's pretty easy to me.
(When Joshua is panting on the lawn after the title-fight)
Roger Murtaugh: Get that shit off my lawn!
Roger Murtaugh: I was driving before you were a itch in your daddy's pants!
Martin Riggs: You know they're going to kill her, don't you?
Roger Murtaugh: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: So if you want her back, you're going to have to take her away from them.
Roger Murtaugh: I know.
Martin Riggs: You do this my way. You shoot, you shoot to kill, get as many of them as you can. All you got to do is just not miss.
Roger Murtaugh: I won't miss.
Martin Riggs: We're going to get bloody on this one, Rog.
Roger Murtaugh: Are you really crazy? Or are you as good as you say you are?
Martin Riggs: You're just gonna have to trust me.
Martin Riggs: What did he mean when he said you owed him?
Roger Murtaugh: We served together in '65. Ia Drang Valley. Saved my life. Took a bayonet in the lungs.
Martin Riggs: That was nice of him.
Martin Riggs: You know you're not the first guy to thinnk of this you know. A lot people have got problems especially during the silly season like now.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You know shit.
Martin Riggs: No, you're wrong, pal, you're wrong.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You don't know nothing. Don't touch me!
Martin Riggs: Take it easy.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Look, I didn't don any thing wrong.
Martin Riggs: I know that. It's not like your murdering anyone or anything.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: That's right.
Martin Riggs: That's right.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: The only one I hurt was me. Me!
Martin Riggs: Same way I feel. I know you're hurting. I get it. OK now, come on.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Don't come near me!
Martin Riggs: Come on. Give me a break, will ya guy. My boss is down there and he's watching us and I gotta make it look like I'm at least trying to save you. Come on. Im just gonna stand here and talk to you. That's all.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You won't try nothing.
Martin Riggs: No. I'm square with you. I won't try a thing. I won't try a thing.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Really.
Martin Riggs: What, do you think I want to fall off? I promise, I'll just talk to you.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: (easing) OK. Alright.
Martin Riggs: (showing him a cigarette) Here, do you want a cigarette. Come on, lets smoke, OK.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Yeah.
Martin Riggs: Go on, take it yeah. If we take our time we will both die of cancer.
(lights his own cigarette)
Martin Riggs: Here.
(shows him the lighter but tricks him and cuffs the two of them together)
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: Hey, what are you doing.
Martin Riggs: See this key? Bye-bye.
McCleary, Attempted Suicide Jumper: You're crazy!
Martin Riggs: Now you can jump if you want to, but you'll be taking me with you and that makes you a muderer.
Martin Riggs: The guy who shot me! The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch who did Hunsacker.
Roger Murtaugh: You sure?
Martin Riggs: Yeah, I'm sure man. I never forget an asshole.
Martin Riggs: Hey, you know what?
Roger Murtaugh: What?
Martin Riggs: Well, I think your daughter kinda likes me.
Roger Murtaugh: If you touch her, I'll kill you.
Martin Riggs: Ha! You'll try.
Martin Riggs: I don't make things difficult. That's the way they get, all by themselves.
(Riggs is captured by General McAlister)
Martin Riggs: You're General Peter McAlister, Commander of Shadow Company.
McAlister: I see we've heard of each other.
Martin Riggs: Yep. It'll almost be a shame when I nail you.
(Endo shocks Riggs with a device)
Mr. Joshua: Hit him again!
Martin Riggs: (Endo does)
(Martin groans as his body shakes violently)
Mr. Joshua: (soft but enthused) Hit him again.
Martin Riggs: (Endo hits him again for longer)
Mr. Joshua: C'mon, tell me about the shipment!
Martin Riggs: (yells and spouts giberrish, then spits at Endo, tries to reach Joshua) I swear I'm gonna fucking kill the both of you.
Mr. Joshua: Yeah, yeah, very funny. Now what about the *shipment*?
(Riggs and Murtaugh pull up outside Dixie's house to check out a theory)
Roger Murtaugh: Like I said, thin.
Martin Riggs: Probably nothing.
(the house explodes, knocking them both to the ground. Murtaugh throws himself on Riggs)
Martin Riggs: What are you, a fag?
Roger Murtaugh: Your coat's on fire!
(Riggs throws it off, then both of them look at the burning house)
Martin Riggs: Probably nothing!
Roger Murtaugh: Thin, very thin!
Martin Riggs: How about it, Jack? Would you like a shot at the title?
Mr. Joshua: Don't mind if I do.

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Lethal Weapon

Quotes