Denise Milani's breasts
Denise Milani's breasts (also pictured, Denise Milani).
Denise Milani's breasts are a Czech internet model based in Los Angeles, and are one of the most popular internet models working in the world today. They are currently attached to the chest cavity of one Denise Milani, who has carried them for the entirety of their lives so far. Though Milani herself is also technically a model, she is nowhere near as notable as her breasts; the Wikipedia article on her has been deleted, recreated and re-deleted many times over due to her lack of notability. To them she is just another up-and-coming Eurotrash girl trying to make it in the modelling industry with barely a TV credit to her name. All anyone cares about is those enormous (some would say, oversized) breasts, and if someone tried to write an article on them, no doubt it would be a different story. Why can't people see that she would be a beautiful, intelligent woman without them?
Anyway, let's move on from her before this article gets deleted too.
This picture is not representative of Denise Milani's breasts' early life, but no one cares.
Denise Milani's breasts were born, along with the rest of her, in the Czech Republic in 1983. According to the attending doctor, both Milani and her boobs were healthy and strong, and that they could be held right away. Although back then they were very small - totally flat, even - so it's doubtful you're even slightly interested in hearing any of this (unless you're into that kind of thing). Let's skim through this part.
The breasts first started to become noticeable when the host was around 11. Even then however, they were little more than tender lumps, about the size of half tennis balls. Although marginally more interesting than before; it seems they still weren't worthy of treatment on a comedy wiki, so again let's skip a few years.
At 15, Milani first started to notice that people rarely looked at her face, or any other part of her, for that matter - save two. Even when she went to her podiatrist to get her feet examined, the doctor never actually looked at the part of the body he specialised in. Instead, passersby, teachers, students and family members alike gaped at her breasts, scrutinising them furiously as if trying to burn the image on to their retinas for all eternity.
She also noticed that men were overly keen to give her free stuff, like food, clothes, money, high school qualifications and, most frequently, full-body massages. This went to such extremes that by the time Milani's breasts were 18, half the boys in school had become apprentice masseurs. The other half were in prison for sexual misconduct.
Throughout all of this however, the breasts themselves noticed nothing.
I know what you want to hear, some pun about bouncing Czechs... Philistines.
In time, Denise Milani grew into a pretty Czech woman with a kind and optimistic demeanour. Meanwhile, her breasts continued growing unabated, bursting into the proverbial stratosphere of notability and finally reaching their base-size of 39DDDD. The fact that they had achieved this absurd size without the use of silicone or saline apparently makes this all the more impressive. Meanwhile, the often ignored Milani grew incredibly jealous of her more triumphant appendages, and for the most of her adult life remained, quite literally, in their enormous shadows. The young human resented how men only ever wanted to date her breasts, and how employers would cruelly offer them jobs ahead of her. She has feelings too, you know!
At the tender age of 20, Milani's breasts were spotted by Handy Andy's Busty 'N' Dumb Modelling Agency, who convinced them to embark upon a modelling career. Milani herself, of course, was dragged along for the ride whether she liked it or not.
Modelling in the Czech Republic was difficult due to the country's lack of high speed internet or any kind of printing press. Denise Milani's breasts were not to be deterred, however, and spent the next year adorning the nation's most popular mediums - stamps, donkeys and fake passports. From this they made enough money to move to LA, and again Milani had no choice but to follow.
Denise Milani's ass is increasingly notable. Meanwhile her lovely hair, arms and knees might as well not exist.
When the breasts first appeared on the world wide web, thousands of men across the globe suddenly realised their destiny - to slide themselves into Denise Milani's all-engulfing, penis-swallowing cleavage. As if that would somehow make their lives complete, or change the fact that they're passionless slobs who would rather masturbate over a 2-dimensional stranger than commit to a serious relationship. Men have an incredible capacity for unattainable fantasies; the possibility of making love to Denise Milani's breasts is the only thing keeping most of them from crossing the street without looking. Of course, the chance of them achieving this is about as slim as Denise Milani herself. This echoes the famous sentiment by philosopher Albert Camus: "What is the point of living when I will never touch Denise Milani's big tits with my cock?" Well, he might as well have said it. It's certainly what he was thinking, the French perv.
Despite years of modelling and being enormous, Denise Milani's breasts have yet to do a topless shoot. This has long been a source of frustration for their fans. Many have speculated that because they are so absurdly big, if they were ever to leave the confines of those canyonesque cups they would dangle and sag like a 60-year-old mother of five's. Although the breasts have remained mum on the matter, their attached person, Denise, has made several statements. But of course, her opinions were dismissed as the ramblings of a talentless airhead.
Put them away love. Or better yet, get a reduction.
Milani has a boyfriend who is even less notable than her. The only notable thing about him is that he regularly gets to smush parts of himself into her incredibly notable breasts. Despite having to endure this forced intimacy, the breasts themselves have remained single. It has been suggested that this is simply a PR stunt to make them appear more "available" to their fans. Some detractors, however, have indicated that the breasts lack emotion and the capacity for complex thought - essential components of any healthy relationship.
For years there have been rumours that Denise Milani's breasts want to "go solo" as it were, separating themselves surgically from Milani and continuing to model alone. Despite how horrific this would be, the plans have been met with approval by fans. One should remember however, that fans of Denise Milani's breasts are a desperately lonely bunch of big-tit-fetishists with a deteriorating grip on reality. Apparently, such cartoon sexuality is more important than the love and affection of a real, normal-sized woman.
What's the problem, were you never breastfed? Or perhaps you were breastfed too much? Either way, leave the poor woman alone.
|Full name at birth||
Denisa Krajickova Trlica
|Claim to fame||
claim to fame
|Date of birth||
24 April 1976
|Place of birth||
Frydek-Mistek, Czech Republic
5' 3" (160 cm)
110 lbs (49.9 kg)
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