Deconstructing Harry
1997 film by Woody Allen
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Harry: Cookie, do you know what a black hole is?
Cookie: Sure, that's how I make my livin'!
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Cookie: How come you got all this money?
Harry Block: I always keep hooker money around, you know, 'cause I once paid by check years ago and the I.R.S. killed me.
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Harry Block: (referring to Cookie) She's got a PhD, this girl.
Doris: Really?
(Sarcastically)
Doris: I don't know how she did on her written, but I'm sure she got an A on her orals!
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Grandma: (Unaware that Leslie is fellating Ken because she is blind) Boy, you must really love onions!
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Harry Block: Between air-conditioning and the Pope, I'll take air-conditioning.
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Harry Block: You know, I cannot understand why the most sophisticated of women can't tell the difference between a meaningless, hot, passionate sexual affair and a nice, solid, tranquil, routine marriage.
Joan: (breaking down) Tell me, Harry, just tell me something. Was she the only one, or were there others?
Harry Block: No, Amy Pollock was the only one, may God strike me dead if I am lying.
Joan: You're an atheist, Harry!
Harry Block: Wha-hey, we're alone in the universe, you're going to blame that on me, too?
Joan: (angrily tears papers from typewriter) Stop your tap-dancing...
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Harry Block: Every hooker I ever speak to tells me that it beats the hell out of waitressing. Waitressing's gotta be the worst fucking job in the world.
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The Devil: You ever fuck a blind girl?
Harry Block: No. That I never did.
The Devil: Oh, they're so grateful.
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Harry Block: (after sex) Cookie, you're a definite artist. They should put your lips in the Smithsonian.
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Harry Block: Six shrinks later, three wives down the line, and I still can't get my life together.
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Joan: So now you're blaming me because I don't go out with you enough, to meet strangers to FUCK!
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Larry: (to Fay) I'm single, available, with the soul of a black man.
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Harry: The ironic thing is that the school that kicked me out is honoring me soon.
Shrink: Why did they kick you out?
Harry: Because I wasn't interested in college. I wanted to be a writer and that's all I cared about. Also, I tried to give the Dean's wife an enema. They didn't take kindly to that.
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Lucy: You take everyone's suffering and turn it into gold, LITERARY GOLD!
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Harry Block: All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
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Harry Block: Look, I was merely explaining to you why my choice of necessity is confined to your practice.
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(Talking about life)
The Devil: It's like Vegas. You're up, you're down, but in the end the house always wins. Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
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Doris: (carping on Harry) He's betting everything on physics and pussy.
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Doris: It's tradition.
Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.
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Fay: You love baseball.
Harry Block: Baseball's easy because it has rules. It has foul lines.
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Harry Block: Between air conditioning and the Pope, I chose air conditioning.
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Harry Block: Does the president think of fucking every woman he meets? Oh sorry, bad example.
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Harry Block: The most important words in the English language are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
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Harry's Father: I'm a Jew. I don't believe in Heaven.
Harry Block: Where do you want to go?
Harry's Father: A Chinese restaurant.