Albert Brooks

Albert Brooks

Actor, voice actor, writer, comedian and director
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Quotes

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  • When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.
  • I come from the place where I am thinking 'I have put my blood on the pages.'
  • When I die, if the word 'thong' appears in the first or second sentence of my obituary, I've screwed up.
  • I'm not interesting enough on my own that you'd want to see a film about me.
  • I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot.
  • Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.
  • I've always felt like I work in a small little area that doesn't represent anything like the rest of society.
  • For so long afterward (9/11), whenever I heard anyone talk about Muslims, it was in association with terrorism. But I thought, what could I do in a teeny way - and believe me, it's a teeny way - to defuse this? There had to be some way to separate the 1.5 billion people who don't want to kill us from the 100,000 or so who do. I thought if I could get five Muslims and six Hindus and maybe 3 Jews to laugh for 90 minutes, then I've accomplished something. (on Looking For Comedy In The Muslim World)
  • Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It won't be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.
  • We export films that are full of sleazy (penis) jokes and toilet humor - that's why we've earned the affectionate nickname of the Great Satan. What's seemingly benign, by our standards, is doing more damage to us around the world than anything I could ever do.
  • It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than by 60 million for something you're not.
  • Even if you didn't see the movie, you'd see two words you'd never seen put together before - comedy and Muslim. Comedy is friendly - it's the least offensive word in our language.
  • Being a screenwriter in Hollywood is like being a eunuch at an orgy. Worse, actually, at least the eunuch is allowed to watch.
  • If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.
  • I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.
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